what keeps us going?

how self-efficacy and a positive view on the future are key to getting up and struggling forward.

As we grow up, we are continually riddled by hardship.

Toddlers try to start walking. They get up. Do a few steps. Fall. Cry. Or not. But they try again.

Until – at some point – walking is the most natural thing in life.

And this pattern continues. Turning 7-ish, writing is the hardest thing in the world. Learning each single letter and melting them together into coherent words takes so much energy. A few years later, it is the most natural thing in life.

Or being 18, doing the driver’s license. Every single movement of shifting gears drains you mentally, at every crossing you have to think hard of who drives first. The more you lean into that attempt to learn it, the easier it will get, the more natural.

Now, jumping forward to someone rushing through his mid twenties, like me.

Here as well, things feel intensely hard.

Moving to a new city for a new job is already a challenge. Add to that the high-pressure workload, massive time input (i.e. long nights of working) and the perceived loneliness of being in a city where you know almost no-one.

And that is awfully painful.

This smooth blend of loneliness and high stress levels creeps in, goes under your skin, makes you feel depressed.

And you continue. One. step. after. the. other.

Until things get easier. You meet some nice people, build a social life, manage the stress of work better. The situation feels more natural to you.

Now you might say that this is just a logical sequence of learning patterns: being outside comfort zone, sustaining it, getting through it being a stronger coworker, partner, simply human.

Fair enough. What haunts me is another question:

What keeps us going?

How do we manage to keep up the energy levels and grit to push ourselves through those periods of hardship?

Here’s a theory: It is the belief of a better future combined with the certainty of being able to get through this.

why this

I’d argue for this theory by looking at its inverse. Let’s flip it around and examine what happens when it’s not there—by looking at depression.

(And let me acknowledge the complexity of depression. This isn’t a full explanation, just a lens to examine one dimension of it.)

People suffering from depression often experience a collapse of both those pillars:

• They can’t imagine a better future. The horizon goes dark, and hope fades. There’s no vision to walk toward.

• And they don’t believe they can make it through what they’re currently experiencing. The weight feels unbearable, and the energy to push through is gone.

So maybe what keeps us moving isn’t just discipline or motivation. It’s hope, and belief in our own resilience. The idea that something better lies ahead—and that we’re capable of reaching it.

The second dimension is best described with Albert Bandura’s conceptualization of self-efficacy as an individual’s belief in their capacity to execute behaviors necessary to produce specific performance outcomes. In short, the belief that you can make it.

two levers to gather strength to keep going

01 Reignite a compelling vision of the future

Something to aim for. It doesn’t have to be grand. It just has to feel meaningful. Even vague hope like “maybe things could be different” can be enough to pull us forward.

If you want to intensify this, you could start working on painting a clearer picture of your own future. Where you want to stand five to ten years down the road. It will create a clear why for the things you are doing and help finding a way forward.

Jordan Peterson’s Future Authoring program (from before he turned an angry reactionist) provides strong prompts for that. or a leaner version (props to Nick Crocker’s 2013 article “The Elephants”) could be this:

Take a cup of tea (or glass of wine), a sheet of paper and start writing:

In 10 years, I will be [your future age] and I will…

Creating a meaningful narrative, you can work yourself through categories like this: Physical, Social, Emotional, Spiritual, Environmental, Professional, Intellectual, Financial

02 Collect proof that you can make it through hard things

Your own evidence for self-efficacy. That breakup you survived. That stressful move. That one time you felt like quitting and didn’t. Stack those memories. They are receipts of your resilience.

Just open a list and write down everything that comes to mind. Small things, big things. Every time you feel like you are not able to get through the next challenge, open that list and read it. Remember that almost every single one of your accomplishments felt difficult in the beginning.

Maybe that’s why the toddlers stand up as well

Growing up and seeing adults around you as living proof for both the future as an adult and the proof that it is possible to learn walking.

Believing in a better future and in yourself. Maybe that’s what keeps us going. As toddlers, kids, adolescents, and twenty-somethings.